Thursday August 10th, 2006

It’s almost like a definite that I didn’t even get a (blank) call back for the Sopranos audition. I know I was good. Argh!

I’m in a down & funky mood today (even though I have a great audition tomorrow for Adam Sandler’s older brother in a film called “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”). I read and hear about everything that everyone else is doing, and although I am very grateful for all that I have, I tend to compare myself to them. I’ve come far and done alot (almost a jack of all trades but master at none), and yet I’m trying to find one simple thing that I “excel” in. Others can tell me that I excel in manythings, but I don’t feel it. Sometimes I think I have too many projects on the burner at the same time. Hence, my time is not properly focused on one thing.

Coming close to my 50th birthday is hitting much harder than I thought it would. Never could I picture myself at 50, and now with the weight gain and the loss of hair and the liver spots starting I’m there… middle age, but what’s weird is that usually most of the time I do feel younger, and I do realize that 50 is just a number, not a state of being. I wanted to do so much in my life…. how much time do I have left?

I’ll be fine… I just had to vent a bit.
Thanks for listening Doc… I’ll leave my quarter by the door as I leave.

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